I remember when I first started (or re-started knitting) about 5 years ago now. One of the first things I read was, "remember to never be afraid to pull out your work, and start over from the beginning." This particular author called it "the Zen of knitting." I remember promising myself I would boldly embrace pulling out my hard work, my investment of time and myself, to get a new, fresh start---mostly likely, embracing in the process, something better! I remember how enlightened I felt, how free---knowing I could knit and knit and knit, and then pull it out if necessary and start completely over (and no one would be the wiser!). It was like a freedom to create something beautiful came deep in my spirit, and the knowledge that I could have unlimited fresh starts empowered me to create without condemnation!
Well, knitters know the term for this is called "frogging" and frogging can be a knitter's best friend.
And...sometimes not! Somehow, between my awakening to ripping my work out, and the practical application of that action---(you know, the actual ripping my work out part?)---some weird, well---feeling came over me. All that Zen stuff was gone, that bold me was nowhere to be found, and now it was just me and "my work that I have spent so much time doing so far, and, well, it does not really look that bad, the small mistake part, and after all, nothing made by man's hands should be perfect anyway, right...don't the AmishJewishCatholicNativeAmericans or somebody believe that? I agree with them...." and on and on I droned....including some creative attempt with a crochet hook to cover the spot, and weave in the mistake, the tiny flaw seamlessly---or so I wanted to believe. But the flaw was there, and it was noticeable, and it took away from the rest of the work and so, regretfully, painfully and with moist eyes....I started ripping it out....
And it was okay.....eventually. I did start over, and I got some support from a knitting mentor on the part of the pattern I did not understand, and it worked out beautifully! I created a lovely new baby dedication blanket because I was not afraid to rip it out, and then, to try again.
Well, if only I could embrace that frogging thing in my relationships. You know, the ones that were going along just fine until that person did/said/acted on something that HURT me! And I have been left here with this gaping hole, stitch or flaw of some kind, that I do not know what to do about? Can I put on expensive enough clothes, or enough make-up, or keep busy enough doing good things, so that my character flaw, the pain and hurt does not show? Maybe I can ignore it away? But unfortunately, like my terrible attempts with that crochet hook, the disappointment, pain, anger, hurt still stick out, and take away from my overall beauty.
I remember one of my Friends saying how He loves me, and gives me mercies that are new every morning. I wonder how He does that? I wonder if He can teach me how?
So, here I am. Trying to learn how to apply that frogging concept to my life and not just my knitting.
Wish me luck!